Certain about Uncertainty

kerrya's picture

It is an unfamiliar and strangely calm feeling that I have had all week. Like having a lower half made of the most sturdy material and feeling the imprint of my soles with each step I take.

It involves being quite certain about uncertainty. An absolute solid centeredness in the middle of the absolute unknown. The gravitational pull downward and inward in the vortex of life swirling all around me.

I have asked myself several times: "Are you making this up and just trying not to shatter?" to which I reply very assuredly: "Nope. This is what it feels like to be in life in a real, honest, way."

My head is not filled with things like making plans or worry or wondering about what the future holds. I can feel the denseness of my inside, like a wood pole through my core. I am not shaky or trembly or otherwise unsteady.

My God-voice is whispering: "You are ok no matter what."

I trust this. I believe what my interior is telling me. It's very cool.

What I know for sure is this: I do not know anything past this moment. I have never lived here in this way. It's very free-ing to not be concerned about anything beyond what is right here in front of me.

This is what it feels like to be certain about uncertainty. I can, without a shadow of a doubt, not tell you about what will be here for me this evening. Or tomorrow morning. Or 2 weeks from now. Or a month. It is a deep deep trust and surrender to the unfolding of my life aligned with God's plan.

I want to meet each moment of it ... I don't want to miss a thing !