Between Ground and Sky ...

kerrya's picture

A couple of days ago, I experienced some very unnerving, less common, side effects of an antibiotic I was prescribed for a sinus infection. And in the course of a 24 hr period, I had intense moments of anxiety, agitation, hallucinations. Because of my practices in ASOS, in particular that of form anxiety and, even more so, Impersonal Movement, I was able to actually observe the one in me who experienced the symptoms and hold an impersonal space, if you will, for this to safely be contained and so that the personal me was not consumed or annhilated by the scary experience. As a person who had dibilitating panic attacks throughout my twenties, to be able to do this is nothing short of a miracle.

A poem emerged from this experience, titled: Between Ground and Sky. Here it is:

Thousands
of prickly
caterpillar hairs
scraping against
my skin
from the inside-out
am i awake or
dreaming
this...

my eyes are WIDE open

chest collapses
like an accordion
puffing breaths out
note by note
heart beats pummel
my rib cage
room is closing in

drawing upon these years
of teachings
i plant feet firmly
to anchor
then let go
to the sweet surrender
and reprieve
of deep meditation

i am keenly aware
of the one who is
having these medication-induced
symptoms --
the personal i
and
the noticer who sees her --
the impersonal i and not i

i watch my head stretch
then twist
in odd distortions
eyes fully dilated
as i look up from brushing my teeth
this is not a funhouse mirror
i look into the face
of insanity

only a few threads
separate
the real
from the surreal
in this trip
i took
between
ground and sky